Friday, July 31, 2009

Packing up my life

Moving is weird. I knew this place was temporary and I'm staying in the city, but every time I move tends to feel like the end of an era. Considering it's been all of two months here I feel kind of silly, but what kind of person would I be to invalidate my feelings. Oh yes, I went there w/ the psychobabble

I just don't feel like packing. All I want to do is eat Doritos, watch Hulu, and sleep. Hmm.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Whatever happened to my lunchbox?

"When came the day that it got/
Thrown away now don't you think/
I should have had some say, in that decision"
~John Mayer

Yes, I just quoted John Mayer, I went there, even though I think he's kind of dirty and gross, because sometimes I wonder about those types of things too. Probably the mark of a semi-quality song writer, encapsulating the kind of feeling that I haven't even realized I had been feeling.

What is up with life changing constantly? The little, tiny, minuscule things are sometimes the true indicators that everything is upside down. Like looking around and suddenly realizing that something that meant so much to you a short time ago isn't even a part of your life. A pet, a lunch box, a person.

And why is change always supposed to be good? If you think of the best day or time of your life, chances are it's not today, not right now. Things change every day, but they're not constantly improving. If I think of exactly where I am now, as opposed to a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, things are just different. I can barely remember how I felt a month ago. It might have been an awesome day or a shit one. I was in DC, in this apartment. I had a job then, but I haven't even figured out if losing/ quitting my job was a good thing. A week from now how will I feel? I'll be in a new apartment, living with a good friend. I may have more job prospects, I may not. I won't have the stress of moving in front of me, although I'm sure I'll have more stress. I'll be about to embark on a vacation. That should be a good thing, right? I have things to look forward to, I'm just not even sure whether I want them. I'm going to an information session at Columbia's J-school next week. For the life of me, though, I don't know why I'm applying there ( or if I am). What do I want from it, besides a one-year respite from the work force and an Ivy league diploma. Huh.

I know your twenties are all about these changes, this angst, self-discovery, yada yada. Relationships, jobs, moving, love, life. But when I speak to my parents it's not like they have it all figured out. A lot of it, yeah, but things aren't perfect. My grandparents too. I guess I just don't get the point of it all. I'm hardly the first or last person to question the meaning of life, and I"m not even sure where I'm going with this, but I am wondering...

On the bright side, I am positive I am enjoying DC right now more than I enjoyed New York six months ago. I hope that's something.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Unemployment begins

A rather terrible kind of obsolescence creeps over you when you're unemployed. Is that the proper GRE word? I imagine you can discern the meaning, or what I am aiming to mean. The last time I was unemployed, a short 7 months ago, I believe I was starting to think this feeling was depression. A clinical name, a logical explanation for how I felt, my laziness, loneliness. But no, it's more a mixture of stress, procrastination, and boredom. How dull. How trite. How tiresome. Within a week of unemployment I am back here. Dirty room, unmade bed, chipped nail polish. How did I get here?

Thursday, July 16, 2009

At work rebel

So I'm feeling like quite the rebel, blogging away at work. Then again, it's 5:41 PM, so my day is technically over, I'm just waiting for my boss to leave. Don't think he's an overachiever or anything though, he didn't come in until 11.

I don't think I have anything particularly interesting to say, however I am hardcore into this blog:
so thought I would pass it along.

It pretty much encapsulates the 20 something experience. Especially in terms of dating. None in my future- not from the Jewish boyfriend that I'm not actually attracted to, or the kid who asked for fashion advice and then got especially sensitive when I offered some. Not even from the guy on Jdate who is unnaturally tall for a Jew! In his defense I said my week was super busy, but that I'd be up for it next week. So it's possible, although my week is filling up fast. I'm a busy girl.

Atlantic City this weekend with a bunch of the sorority sisters, should be interesting. I'm so not in the mood for a crazy, boozing, Vegas-type weekend, all I really want to do is binge eat oreos while watching some good chick flicks, but maybe this is just what I need? Stay tuned...

Monday, July 13, 2009

You know the night life is just not for me

...And all you really need are a few good friends/ I've been waiting all this time for/ To be something I can't define."~The Format

It's funny.  I wrote those lyrics before going to work, and after a long, stressful day, I wish some lyrics would come to mind.  In some ways I'm back where I started.  In other ways, I feel a bit stronger than this morning.  While there was no direct yelling at me, I felt the blame and guilt for a big mistake which was partially mine.  And that sucks.  It didn't really make me work harder in all honesty, but it didn't upset me for as long as something like that would have two months ago.  And that's a good thing. The really funny thing is, that what saved me there were "a few good friends" and an invisible hula hoop contest set to 'Pokerface.'  Even though I didn't win. 

Things that made my day:
1) Hula hoop contest
2) No pudge brownies
3) Re-discovered DvF dress
4) Hearing that the cute boy I met at a party had thought I was cute too..
5) Talking to my Dad and having him make fun of my bitchy boss who says how things "focking suck" in a British accent
6)Getting the kickass Adams-Morgan apartment!!

So in re-cap, maybe not so bad? Esp for a Monday..