A guy I met and actually liked, which is hardly something that happens often, asked me out to dinner. I already had plans, and frankly was a little ticked off at the short notice (barely 24 hours) so I asked my roommate what to do. She told me that I certainly didn't want a weekend date, so to suggest Sunday or next week. Which is fine, I guess, except then he didn't reply. Which I frankly don't blame him for, because it's almost embarrassing the more I overthink it. Like I REALLY didn't have time in the next four days to squeeze him in? Not that many days, but hardly seems like I want to see him.
The thing is, I kind of do. I don't have high hopes for creating any sort of a relationship with him, but I'd quite like to go on a date with him. Why did I listen to my roommate instead of myself? Because I'm embarrassed to like him, and scared to spend time with him. I'm scared of liking him too much and seeming too desperate and scaring him off, and I'm scared of actually having to entertain him solo. He seems to have lived so much more than me and he's so well read that I'm afraid I'll seem stupid, naive, spoiled.
Why do we play these dating games? Instead of seeming desperate I seem disinterested, because I'm too fucking cool to act pleased that he asked me out. Why didn't I just suggest the next day? I can blame a million things on my response: job interviews, tutoring, grandfather, and every other stress and happiness and craziness under the sun. But all I have to blame is myself, for being chicken shit, and if he never calls (texts) again I hope I don't make this mistake again.
christmas in the suburbs
4 years ago