Sunday, September 27, 2009

did i make the wrong decision?

After 5 months in DC I finally have an apartment with furniture, a gym membership, close relationship to my DC family, friend group, routine, kids to tutor, internship.. I've gotten rid of my deadbeat job, gone on dates, taken the GREs, come out of my shell a bit. Good things have happened. But I'm starting to wonder exactly why the hell I cam ehere. I've spent so long spouting the same elevator speech regarding getting into work in the nonprofit/hill or politics arenas tht I've started to believe my own hype. But the thing is I am not that interested in politics or policy or nonprofits. I am generally filled with respect for people into tht sort of thing, but no matter how much I pretend to care that is just not me. My dream job isn't to be Press Secretary. Sure, it could be cool to have a bit of power on the Hill, but unelss you're at the White House or something I doubt it's my idea of cool. I think my internship will be good so that a. I can have a solid office environment and meet some people, and b. workwise, so that I can gain some more experience pitching, blog, and do some new media stuff. My internship fits the bill of the kkind of job the kind of prson i WANT to be has, but not ther person that I am at this point in my life, or most likely ever. entiende?

My reasoning is admittedly a bit convoluted, but I think I hav I have created DC ALEX" type person who's into healthcare and immigration reform, when what I really care about iare beauty products, traveling, watching television and writing. I love my book club. I'd rather read Vogue than the Post, and I'd even rather read Teen Vogue than Vogue. I am not terribly mature, and I don't think I"ll ever be the type of person who has a serious interest in economic issues. I'm worried my dream job is in development at MTV, or as the beauty editor of Marie Claire, or doing publicity for Revlon. Do any of those seem like jobs I can get in DC, or even with a Masters at Georgetown? I mean maybe post- school, but ultimately NYC and LA are where it's at.

Why did I leave NYC? This is what really scares me. I'm afraid I left DC because I was lonely and hated my job. I'm not trying to invalidte my feelings- my life kind of sucked in NYC. My hood wasn't super accessible, I didn't get along with my roommates, I despitsed my job and met no one knew there, and had 3 good friends, and 3 of them worked most of the time. However I was slowly but surely making new friends. I'm worried that if I had just moved into a new apartment and founda new job (easier said than done, but for the sake of argument) I could hav gotten into New York. Did I give up too soon?

DC has felt like such a refuge the past few months. Spending time with family, getting to go home and go on vacation,But I'm worried I took the easy way out. Even after only 5 months my life just feels smaller in DC, and I'm worried there's only so far I can go here. How much can I change living with a college sorority sister? Who can I become if I run into peopleI know no matter what neighborhood I'min? Did I wimp out on New york too soon? I don't want to be wishing in ten years that I had given New York a better chance, and I sure as hell don't want to e here 20 years fro now, realizing that I never left NDC and didn't go for the kinds of jobs I really wanted out of laziness and wimpiness and complacency here. and reconnecting with my old college and high school friends has been great and quite relaxing.

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